This post details something that I am not too proud of, and it is not something that I want to be known for but we can't all choose our legacy. Joi has asked me to share this incident with you and I figure it is the least I can do for her faithful readers. This is a bad sign because it is only post #2 and I'm already out of material. Keep in mind that what you are about to read is 100% true. I have not made anything up, nor would I want to.
Backstory: Our dog decided one night many years ago that he did not want to sleep in his crate anymore, and he chose not to write us a letter or have a nice sit down meeting one day to tell us about his lifestyle change. He decided instead to bark incessantly all night even as I moved his crate to everyone room in the house and tried everything I could think of at 1:00 am. Finally we broke down and put him in bed with us and he has been sleeping with us ever since. He is very fond of curling up and laying down very close or on us while we sleep with me usually being the lucky "winner" of this attention. This is pretty similar to how it generally looks:
Niko has also figured out that I am more apt to wake up and take him outside either in the middle of the night or in the morning. Until only a few months ago he would either a) sit on my chest to wake me up or b) paw me in the face to wake me up. But I always felt he was trying to tell me something other than wake up or I need to go outside. I felt he was sending me a message about something that happened in his past that he was not happy about and one night he let his hostility be known.
During one particular night Joi, Niko, and I were all sleeping like usual. Niko decided to sit on my chest which of course woke me up thus completing part one of his devilish plan. It is probably around 2 or 3 in the morning and I have been asleep since, most likely, around 9 (living the fast life!) so I'm pretty solid in my sleep. I am getting my brain together while he is on my chest in preparation to take him outside. All of a sudden he made this weird, yet familiar sound and my instincts immediately kicked in. It is said that in moments of extreme danger ordinary people can act in an extraordinary way to avoid that danger. There have been stories of people lifting cars
or swinging on a vine over a pit of crocodiles or alligators or staplers
or igniting the sun
But on this night my extraordinary act was my quick reflex response. I know what that sound meant coming from my dog, that sound meant throw up and I was right. So I quickly turned my head and it did not get me in the face, rather it went in my ear. I quickly yelled in a combination of startlement, shock, disgust, and surprise. In doing so I was able to wake up Joi and I very calmly explained to her that her dog just threw up in my ear...in a very loud voice. Unfortunately for me, Joi had already bought and decided to use her ticket for the slowboat to China to get me a towel. After what seemed like an eternity (I've heard that having dog throw up in your ear really makes the time drag on) she returned with a towel and the clean up began. After a series of drying, Q-Tipping, and washing I felt as if his "message" was gone. Needless to say the 3 of us had different emotions
entertainment
disgust
pride
You may be asking yourself, "Self, what in the world could have possibly driven this dog to do such a horrendous thing?" Well, the answer is simple: Elvis Dog
May this be a lesson to everyone: dogs can be very vindictive and understand how to gain their revenge.
