6 Years

Warning: This blog is an extremely emotional and telling narrative of the events that occurred in my life 6 years ago today. My memories are vivid and I don't hold much back. I'm warning you before you make the decision to read further. This blog was therapeutic for me; I hope you understand my reasons for letting it go and putting this out there to share with all of you.

Thank you ♥

My life changed drastically 6 years ago today. I was a a Junior in college and spending some time at my best friend's, Sarah, parent's home for awhile to celebrate her 20th birthday before she had to head back to school at the University of Missouri-Rolla and before I had to head to my sorority meeting.

I remember so vividly the events that transpired that day. Sarah was laying on the couch complaining that her 2oth birthday wouldn't bring much fun and Dave, me, and Kim {our close friend at the time} were trying to tell her otherwise. We were being lazy and enjoying each others company. Emily wasn't there because she was spending the weekend with her new boyfriend in his hometown. Sarah and Emily were roommates in college and my two very best friends; they had planned to spend plenty of time to celebrating Sarah's birthday back in Rolla.

As we talked and visited, Sarah got a cell phone call---it was Bethany, her sorority sister and close college friend. Immediately, we all knew something was very wrong when Sarah kept screaming, "What?!?!--You're lying---This can't be true" over and over again. As she walked into the entryway of her home, she collapsed to her knees. I was instantly frozen in my chair, I couldn't move, it was as if my body had been paralyzed---I just knew something was seriously wrong. Dave, Kim, and Sarah's dad were trying to get answers out of her but she couldn't respond. Sarah's dad, Jeff, took the phone from her and talked to Bethany. As Sarah attempted to compose herself--she began to tell us the most horrible news of my entire life. Emily, Dan {Emily's new boyfriend}, and Paul {Dan's best friend} had all been in an automobile accident and one person had died. At the time, we did not know the person. We were in shock and went into panic mode. I was adamant that the accident could not have happened. We would've heard from Emily's parents or more calls would have been coming in. It just couldn't be true--this sort of thing could not happen to her.

I frantically called my mom. Jeff called Emily's parents to ask them what they had heard, sadly they hadn't. My mom suggested I call the Missouri State Patrol to see if any accidents had been reported in that area. I called, and got a response that none had. I knew deep down, it couldn't be true, what the officer had told me.

I was nervous and shattered, and ball of shaking energy. I had to leave Sarah's, I had to move, I couldn't sit still. David suggested we go back to my house to just be able to leave. As we drove I prayed, over and over, that everything would be fine. Somehow, someway, everything would just have to be fine.

As we got home, my mom was waiting for us. We talked for a few moments and the telephone rang. At this moment, I can't remember who answered it---all I remember is talking to Kim on the other line and her telling me that Emily was the one who was killed and that the information had been confirmed by Emily's family. I dropped the phone and sobbed and it all goes blurry from this moment on. I remember David dropping to the bed and screaming uncontrollably while I just shook violently.

All of our lives had just changed, forever. We would soon learn about the details of the accident and call all of our friends. Two days later, Dan died from intense brain trauma. Paul was the only survivor and today has no memory of the accident or the weeks directly before or immediately after.

Emily was the driver and was instantly killed when she pulled into the oncoming path of a tractor trailer. We still do not know what caused her to do so. Many people have their opinions, all of which are true...there was road construction, she was unfamiliar with the area, it was an extremely dangerous intersection, the sun could've been in her eyes, the truck was moving too fast---it all is meaningless because it doesn't bring my very best friend from 4th grade back.

As the weeks moved on, we had memorials and her funeral, and I continued on in school. My family and friends were my rocks, as my life was a complete mess. We all leaned on one another and some way managed to cope. Sarah had an unbelievable hard time, as she was Emily's roommate at college. I can't imagine what life was like for her--we would talk constantly though, and she had the unending support of her sorority sisters, who were Emily's sisters, too.

As my life has changed and I have grown, I miss Emily as a part of it every single day. It pains me to know she wasn't at my graduation, wedding, and other big events in my life that I have experienced and those to come. I am, and will always be, devastated and angry that I can't witness her do the same thing. She was so young to die, and her death affects me to this very day.

Emily and I had been friends since the 4th grade. We were inseparable. We spent nights at each others houses, endless hours on the phone, and uncountable moments together. We vacationed to Florida together a numerous times and promised to go away to college together and be each others maid of honor. We always laughed at how envious people were of our friendship because we never fought and always had each others back. No matter what--we were there for each other through thick and thin, and we promised to be that way forever. When we were little people always thought we were sisters and as we grew older people expected us to always be together. Emily was absolutely stunning and had the most amazing laugh you would ever hear. She was carefree, but extremely responsible. She was your biggest tomboy, but also your biggest girly girl. She could cuss like a sailor but pull herself together when need be. She was my other half.

Emily and DanLast picture I have of Emily and Me

I hate that she is gone. I live with this everyday of my life and now am envious of the relationships other girls get to share with their friends like Emily and I once had. I don't hold a grudge against God or fall to pieces like I did before, but I still have my moments. I've made new friends that Emily would love, and Sarah's and my friendship could not be any stronger if we tried, but I still miss Emily and yearn for her presence, physically, in my life.

I don't know how I've made it this far, or how I will manage to keep making it. I love Emily so much and want her memory to live on. I wish those close to me now, could've had the chance to meet her. And those of you I don't know personally, make sure you tell those you love how you really feel and cherish every single moment, you never know when that moment will be the last. I know it sounds cliché, but it is so very true.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for letting me share this with all of you.